the picture

Today was a hard day.
I had no motivation at all and I was lazy.

So I texted Erik and he was so sweet and nice to me.
Then he sent me a picture to cheer me up.
It made my whole day!
I was jumping up and down!
soso happy.
because it's the little gifts like that, that make my heart pound
But then I found out that a girl from his work had just drawn it.
It kind of brought me down a little bit.
It was nice that he sent it to me and all, but I thought it was his.
I thought he had created something special for me.

I was just a tiny bit upset,
so I told him how I wanted him to draw me one sometime.
He wasn't sure.
Said he was a perfectionist so he was scared.
I told him I would love it no matter what.
Then,
all of the sudden.
He sends me an even better picture that he drew!!!

I was SO happy!!
It was perfect and a million times
a kajillion times better than the other one.

I hope he realizes how much that one tiny picture means to me.
It means more than words can explain.
Just because he was willing to get out of his comfort zone and draw a picture for me,
that is why I love Erik.
He really would do anything for me.
I am so grateful for him and everything he does for me.

look up

Today, I spent the whole entire day with my mummsy.
We shopped in St. George.
We talked for hours.
We reconnected.
And it was awesome.

I really do love my mom.
with all my heart.
And I am so grateful for everything she does for me.

I was finally able to really talk to her about Erik.
Finally.

We are making babysteps.
Erik and I

The biggest relief factor was that Erik is giving me space.
And not forcing me to make my decision to marry him or not.

He wants me to do what makes me happy.

That made my mom breathe a huge sigh of relief.
Life is good.

It's even better when you look up.

laugh till your sides hurt.

Tonight I couldn't stop laughing.
I laughed laughed laughed.

I haven't done that since high school.
It felt good.

Erik probably thinks I'm crazy....
oh well.
I was happy :)

the one with the gum surgery.

2:30
Erik had gum surgery.
I was sitting in a classroom at North Elementary in Cedar City.

3:30
Erik had gum surgery
I was walking to class.

4:00
Erik got out of gum surgery
I was sitting in Art class.

For every hour of the day.
I wish I was with Erik.

This long distance thing is awful.
Never do long distance. ever.

my strength.

I am weak.
I am not smart.
I am not strong.


That's why I have Heavenly Father. Christ. and Erik.
They are my life.
They are my strength.

I couldn't do this alone.
I couldn't do it without them.

They keep me going.
They keep me happy.
They keep me strong.

They help me see the light at the end of the tunnel.
They still love me, no matter what I do.
They are there for me.

They remind me that I need to never lose faith or hope.
Never ever.

I am so grateful for them each and every day.

good bye is the hardest...even if it's only till tomorrow.

The worst thing.
The thing I hate the most.
Is saying goodbye.

It's awful.
I spent a wonderful weekend with the man of my dreams and then I have to leave him?
Why did I choose this again?
Why did I decided to put myself through this torture?
It's the right thing.
I keep telling myself
over and over and over again.


It will all be worth it in the end.

oh love.

Tonight was one of those nights.
One of those nights where your heart just pounds out of you chest.
It beats so hard and with every thump..thump.
It says Erik is the one.
Erik is the one.

We didn't do anything spectacular.
We went to a movie, The Help.
I bawled.
of course.
But going to a movie, is usually my least favorite date.
I despise going to movies with boys.
But not this time.

I wouldn't ever change it for the world.
I didn't want it to end.
I was in his arms the whole time.
I can't even describe what I was feeling.

Love is a wondrous thing.
If only he could understand what I was really feeling...

I am in love.

I am in love with a boy named Erik James Kolste.
He is now my whole world.
My heart is pounding out of my chest.

He loves me.
I know it.
I love him.
He knows it.


We are in
Love.

the where.

Today I skyped with him till 3:26 in the morning.
It was a glorious 3 1/2 hours.
I wouldn't trade them for the world.

While we were talking he told me how people had asked him if I was "the one."
I asked him what he said back,
but immediately caught myself.
I knew what he was going to say, but I wasn't ready to hear it then.

We continued to talk.
Then he told me how whenever he's with Kylie they ask what temple he wants to get married in and where he wants the reception.
He said his reply was anywhere my wife wants it.
That it is up to her.

So I told him Timpanogos temple and my backyard.

He said that he'd know what to say if they asked again...

empty

Being three hours away is hard.
Harder than anyone knows.
I want to just sit and complain about it all day, but I know that I won't get anywhere with that.

I just have this empty feeling inside.
Like I'm not myself.
I hate it.
I hate it.

But then I found out that I'm not alone.


Erik feels the exact same way.

don't measure up.

Today was kind of a downer day.
Erik is amazing.
I am not that amazing.

He deserves someone a lot better than me...
He should go find someone better than me....
I secretly hope that he doesn't leave me...
even though he should.


But,
I know he won't.
Because he is loyal like that.
I feel like he will never run out on me.
He will always treat me like a princess.
Even when I don't deserve it.

listener.

One thing that i love about erik is that he actually listens to me.
And cares what I say.

I feel like so many people are so close minded, and not open.
All I want and need is someone who will listen without judging at all.
Erik fits that description to a T.

Today I really opened up to him and told him about my grandma.
How I miss her so.
How I wish she were here to listen to me.
I miss my grandma.
Erik reminds me a lot of her.
He understands.
And it's the best feeling.

Run away and never look back.

I want to run away.
Far away.
Away from confusion.
from problems.


But I can't do that.
Erik helped me realize that.

Even though times get tough,
we can get through it.
We need to have faith, and patience.
It will all work out.

Marina.
Don't freak out.

It's all going to be okay.

Lady Antebellum - Just A Kiss

My heart went thump.

Is it silly that I can't stop thinking about a boy I met just yesterday?

I am in Cedar City now.

Last night I talked to Erik until 2 in the morning.

I was dying to text him or call him or have any interaction with him today.

But I didn't want to seem too obsessed, or creepy. 

So I resorted to just facebook stalking him...again.

It's fine though. 

He'll never know about that.  

But then, right before the greenshow started I felt my phone vibrate. 

I looked down and saw the words. 

New Message from Erik Kolste.

My heart went thump. 

I don't know if this feeling is normal.

But it is wonderful.

And it makes me smile.

The story that started it all...

What a day.
What a day.

I think I am already in love with a boy I only met a few hours ago....

Let me tell you the story :)

My whole family is in Cedar City right now.
I am very upset because I wish I was with them, but no.
I have work.
Work was Awful today.
Absolutely horrid.
I couldn't stop bawling when I drove home.
On top of all the normal, usual behaviors,
Bob, the new nasty supervisor, had to find someone to stay for a pm shift.
I have been working double shifts all week.  I was not going to spend 7 am to 10 pm at that place.
No way.
I was already way overtime, I had to play the piano in relief society, I was going to have dinner with my aunt, and then end the night at the majors.  No,no time for more work.
But he insisted and I cracked.
only a little though... I said I could work until 5.
So I was grumpy.
Instead of going home and showering I went to my aunts house because I was already late..
She listened to all my grumbling and after a lovely dinner and movie, I journeyed over to the Major's home.

For weeks they had been telling me how they wanted to set me up with this wonderful guy named Erik Kolste.
I said that I was down to go on a date with him if they set it up,
and of course they wanted to invite him over so I could meet him.
Right then.
I did not want to meet someone new because I was gross, grumpy, and not in the mood.
But of course, Joe the Major's adopted brother from China had to call Erik up right then and tell him to come over.
Oh great.
I was strumming away on a guitar and talking when I hear the front door open.
I got butterflies in my stomach and then I saw him and heard him say,

"You must be Marina"

"And you must be Erik."

At that moment
sparks
flew.

I knew that this guy was special and something was different...
he played guitar for me some more and we talked for hours with the Majors.
This experience should have been extremely awkward.
but it wasn't.
I felt like I already knew this kid.
I felt like we were already best friends.

When I left 2 hours later than i was planning on,
Erik turned to me when we got outside and said,

"Well, Joe's already texted me your number and told me that I better ask you out."

So we decided thursday, when I get back from Cedar City!!!
I can hardly wait!

I never believed in love at first sight until now.